Cirque du Savory: the burger tour

Twelve friends, 26 restaurants, one passion: finding the best burger Cincinnati has to offer.

That is, in a nutshell, the purpose of the Cirque du Savory blog.

The site was formed just a few months ago, when in the wee hours of a Sunday morning, Jason Boys, a University of Cincinnati third-year communications student, his wife Emily and a handful of friends, including college of design, architecture, art and planning alumni Brad Wise and UC communication professor Steve Fuller, debated who in Cincinnati truly had the best burger.

As will happen in Cincinnati, talk turned to Terry’s Turf Club, the East End burger joint that is gaining national recognition. A group of eight or nine went to check it out the next day.

Analysis and evaluation ensued and soon, Cirque du Savory was born.

“Cirque du Savory is about eating delicious burgers; it’s about the joy of laughing with friends on a lazy Sunday afternoon,” according to the blog. “We are seeking more than a good burger. We are looking for places that have ‘it.’ So loosen your belt a couple of notches and join us as we go in search of the ultimate burger experience.”

The rest is, as they say, history.

Sitting around a table on the deck of Mt. Adams’ City View Tavern Sunday, talk seemed to be about everything but burgers. Pop culture seemed to be a popular topic, and movies seemed to be king.

Short Circuit is pitted against Wall-E and then against Short Circuit 2. The skills of Keanu Reeves are debated. An argument for the ages: Which is better, Speed or The Matrix?

But eventually, the burgers make their way to the table. The tone and the talk both change.

“I like the bun; I like the way it has sesame seeds on both the top and the bottom. It’s almost like it has two tops.”

“I like the spicy mustard.”

“It’s definitely hand formed, but otherwise the meat is pretty plain.”

Analysis, yes, but it’s all pretty subtle considering the group’s strict rating criteria. In fact, Chad Cochrane, of O’Bryonville, was the only one who took notes. Good for him. Because he will need to evaluate the burger by highly scientific means. There’s math involved.

You see, Cirque team members rate burgers according to each of the following criteria: patty, bun, fixins (“Please consider selection and quality,” admonishes the criteria), sides (Chips, fries, onion rings?) and total package (“How did all the pieces come together?”).

But remember, they are also looking for the “it factor.” Boys says he’ll know it when he sees it, but some of the things that comprise the “it factor” include accessibility, service, cleanliness and price.  Ambience might not be explicit in the ratings system, but it definitely plays a role in “itness.”

Cirque team members have about 48 hours, generally, to complete their scoring (They should have little scoring sheets. That would be cool.).  Peer pressure and lobbying do occur, but the actual process of scoring is pretty private.

Individual scores are then sent to Fuller, the blog’s official score compiler.

Ta-da.

What’s left after Fuller bends his brain around the numbers is one final number, somewhere between 0 and 100.  Based on the number, the burger is then ranked on the sweetest ever, patent-pending Huxtaburger scale.

Wait, what’s that?

It is only the coolest rating system ever invented, based upon the popularity and power of the children of Cliff and Claire Huxtable, of “the best TV show ever, The Cosby Show,” according to Boys and Fuller.
And here’s how it goes:
 
    The Rudy = 90 - 100 points
    The Theo = 80 - 89 points
    The Vanessa = 70 - 79 points
    The Denise = 60 - 69 points
    The Sondra = 0 – 59 points

Fuller says he spent hours researching the popularity of the Huxtable children. Ah, the Internet.  It really does know all. Overwhelmingly, the order of the Huxtaburger scale coincides with Internet popularity polls.

But at least one team member disagrees with Theo’s position on the list.

“Come on,” says Boys. “Theo was Cliff’s favorite – he should be number one.”

There is also another, more sinister rating, a secret rating of sorts. No burger yet has earned the Cousin Pam, but team members say they’ll know it when they taste it.

Born of a great disdain for the Cousin Pam character, Justin Clarke, who makes the bi-weekly trip from Columbus in order to participate, says the rating is truly  “the bottom of the bottom of the scale.” 

So far, there have been no Cousin Pams, no Sondras.

Fuller also drops the two lowest scores. One of them is usually Cochrane’s ­– he’s well known as the team’s grouchy member, the one who never thinks any burger is good enough.

“I’m discerning, not grouchy,” he said. It’s his role, and according to his teammates, it’s one he plays well.

In fact, many of the team members fill specific roles.

Wise is the blog designer and photographer.

Clarke just sits around and looks good, his friends tease.

Boys is responsible for publicity.

Emily Boys drives.

Fuller, in addition to being the official compiler, is the planner/organizer and “spiritual guide.”

In total, Fuller has organized 10 “tour stops” in the greater Cincinnati area so far.
The highest score? That honor, one of three “Rudys” given out, belongs to Zip’s Café in Mt. Lookout.

“If Zip’s were a blockbuster film, it would be Point Break,” Wise said in his scoring comments. “So far, it’s the best ever. Like Johnny Utah, the burger is simple but perfect.

And like Brodie, it’s so awesome it’s criminal.”

(Apparently, a Keanu Reeves scoring system just lost out to the Huxtaburger system.)

One of the lowest scores to date goes to Price Hill Chili, which earned a “Denise.”

“Visiting Price Hill Chili was like having sex with a modern-day Bo Derek. The experience was pretty cool, and you want to tell all of your friends about it,” Fuller said. “But an hour after you leave, your stomach starts to hurt and you realize the hype was better than the actual product.”

The team has committed to burgers for a year, and on Sunday references to the end arise multiple times. By then, they imagine, they’ll be pretty well maxed out on burgers anyway.

But that doesn’t mean Cirque du Savory will go away. The group doesn’t want to get too far ahead of themselves, but they’re thinking omelets.

As Ted Logan might say, “Excellent.”

The Cirque du Savory team invites you to read their reviews, visit each restaurant and then add your own scores and comments to the blog. They are also always appreciative of restaurant suggestions. Visit www.cirquedusavory.blogspot.com.