Male panties possible part of pop culture

When I was younger I never questioned Superman’s tights. Maybe I was a physics genius; the idea of aerodynamics and the fact that hair drags totally makes sense. (I heard it all the time on swim team.)

Now, however, times are changing. Project e-MANcipate, a nonprofit organization, is trying to “speed up the mainstreaming process of male pantyhose.”
Mantyhose? What? Is this serious business?

Last week’s installment of The Fashion Dungjen was all about Nancy Zimpher, president of the University of Cincinnati and her love of tights. Could you, however, picture UC head football coach, Brian Kelly, in a pair of black tights with red flames? (Just for the record, by typing ‘black tights with red flames’ into a Google search, there are a number of different online retailers that feature delectably tacky tights. Christmas is just a few months away. Perhaps he could sport a new pair everytime the team loses. Talk about incentive.)

The Bearcats would bring home a different kind of victory after the tights’ appearance on
the sideline.

Though I never actually expect to see men on campus wearing tights, pantyhose, mantyhose, whatever they’re called, there’s a first time for everything.

What guy would be caught wearing mantyhose? Does such a bold and foolish creature exist?

“Oh hell yeah I’d wear pantyhose,” said Mike Herrmann, a third-year biology student.

“Nothing smacks a confident ‘Hey look at me, I’m unique!’ message quite like a nice pair of brightly colored spandex.”

The e-MANcipate Web site boasts that pantyhose for men are sexy, healthy and positive.

They even feature a pantyhose design of the week on their main page – this week’s most spectacular pair of hose boasts a tribal design that looks like the cheap tattoo sleeves you can purchase at Hot Topic – along with a “is pink pantyhose too femmy for men?” and an illustrated guide on how to put on pantyhose without destroying them.

The illustrated nine-step tutorial features a Chip-and-Dale-like model wearing black bikini style underwear. In case you didn’t know, “the nails on your hands should be in at least fine condition,” before you put on mantyhose. If your nails are ragged, you run the risk of snagging the material, which could lead to a run.

If wearing mantyhose wasn’t weird enough, how about men carrying around pantyhose hole fixers like clear nail polish.

On the bright side, I guess if I dated a boy who wore pantyhose I could borrow them if I needed them. Or, if we were out to dinner and I was wearing tights and got a run, he could say, “It’s cool, baby. I got you covered.”

If only such a perfect man could exist.

But wait, I still don’t get it. How are tights for men sexy, healthy and positive?

“Guys could really show off their legs in a manly way, and make the fashion palette more colorful,” said e-MANcipate.net.

Since when are pantyhose manly? When I think of manly legs, I think chiseled, hairy legs.

In order to wear mantyhose legs must be clean-shaven or else the leg hair will poke through the hose.

Experimenting with color is great. Go for it. I encourage it even. If you’re looking to experiment with color, buy a neon green T-shirt.  Buy some multi-colored shoes. Try a pair of red pants like Sean Lee, vice president of Student Government Association.

If you insist on investing in tights, make sure you have the lead in the next “Robin Hood” play.

The tights featured on e-MANcipated are floral, sheer and printed with trucks and buildings. Clearly, these are products of true champions.

I wonder: How do you pee in mantyhose? Can you pee in mantyhose? Would you want to pee in mantyhose?  Is there a zipper? If this trend takes off will there be a surge in men who wet themselves? I just don’t get it. Is there something sexually arousing about a man with a visible package? Help!

Want to feel Taylor’s silky smooth legs? Want Taylor to feel your silky smooth legs? E-mail her at dungjet@email.uc.edu