Ladies beware of unfortunate bra mishaps

*Note: The contest deadline was extended to 10 p.m., Saturday, April 18.

Wardrobe malfunctions suck. It’s the button that pops off your pants, the zipper on your jacket that breaks, the tights that rip.

It’s all a pain in the rear, but what happens when it’s a pain in the front? Bra malfunctions take the cake as the most unfortunate and uncomfortable fashion “Oops.”

And, to make it worse, there are so many types of bra malfunctions. For example, there’s the bra that’s too big so the cups gap in front and your T-shirt sinks inside, giving the illusion of a rift valley. Maybe the bra is too small in the straps and it pops or rips. Or, even more heinous and most noticeable is a too small cup causing quadraboob.

I cannot stand quadraboob. Most people are born with only two boobs. And I can’t, for the life of me, figure out why you’d want to look like you have more: It’s not attractive.

Macy’s has recently launched a new campaign, Fit Matters, to help women find a bra that’s the right fit for them. They’ve always been willing to measure for the appropriate bra size, but often times women are too shy to be measured or think they know what size bra they should be wearing.

In actuality, about 85 percent of women aren’t wearing the right bra size which is obviously a problem.

In honor of your “Oops!” moments, I’m hosting a contest on my blog courtesy of Macy’s new incentive to find the right fit.

Here’s how it works: Submit photos, videos or text telling your story of your most embarrassing bra malfunction. The only requirement is that is must be decent for public viewing – i.e. nothing that would classify as soft-core porn or anything vulgar. I’d say that’s pretty generous and gives you significant room to be creative.

Internet fame not enough to entice you to enter? How does a $25 Macy’s gift card sound? Not too shabby, right?

To get you in the spirit, I’ll kick off the contest with a personal tale of woe.

My first year at the University of Cincinnati I had a lot of free time. (Free time? What’s that? I hardly remember.) With said downtime I used to play catch with whomever had a glove. Usually tossing the ball was a last-minute thing, so I would run out in whatever I was wearing and go with it.

Playing with an acquaintance on Sigma Sigma Commons one sunny afternoon, I felt something funny in my T-shirt.

I ignored it at first, but then became more and more uncomfortable with each throw.
“What is going on?!” I thought to myself.

I looked down and was mortified. The bra of choice for the day was one that closes in front. Apparently as I throwing it managed to unhinge itself. I stealthily just happened to miss the next throw my way so I could turn around to pick it up when I re-hooked my bra. After that I pretended to be plum tuckered out and called an end to that session of catch.

While I managed to keep myself out of too much trouble, things could have been worse. Much, much worse.

On the Macy’s Web site that features the new promotion, three women tell horror stories about their mishaps. One woman gives quadraboob a new meaning, another uses shoulder pads to stuff her bra and, in a fit of potential passion, left them behind her date’s toilet before things got a little too wild.

So, what’s your most embarrassing bra moment? Submit a short video, photos or a short story about your “Oops!” to thefashiondungjen@gmail.com. (Please include contact information.) Submissions are due no later than 10 p.m., Saturday, April 18. No tale is too busty, so submit your best worst moment.

Only one entry per contestant, please. Visit The Fashion Dungjen blog at thefashiondungjen.blogspot.com.