First Lady’s wardrobe practical, real

Finally, there is a woman in the White House who subscribes to more than Miss Susie Housewife’s wardrobe and $20,000 one-time wear gowns, and nobody can do anything but whine and complain.

Take Oscar De la Renta for example. Did he seriously complain that Michelle Obama wore a sweater to meet Queen Elizabeth II? Are you serious? Who are you, you crazy man?

What do you mean “You don’t wear a sweater to Buckingham Palace”? Well, an informal poll of the women (and Garret Sabelhaus, who is apparently trying to take my job) at The News Record office – which is legitimate, we are all pretty fashion savvy, even if we don’t all always execute – suggests that everyone would wear a sweater to meet the queen.

Who are you, Oscar the Grouch? You are a crazy can man. Stop being a whining cry baby. You are not the end all be all of the fashion industry.

If you haven’t noticed, Americans don’t have a ton of money to blow on a $30,000 gown, which basically means nobody – unless you’re the wife of an AIG executive – can afford your clothes. And that, my dear Oscar, is what makes Michelle Obama a total winner.

She’s showing the world that you don’t have to spend terrifying amounts of money on clothes to look awesome and to present yourself to the diplomats of the world. The American dream has drastically changed, and she’s acting more like the average American – even though she does have some pricey pieces – than first ladies past.

And get off of your high horse, you pretentious weasel. Are you complaining that she’s not wearing your clothes? Take it with a grain of salt. Everyone knows who you are already. Don’t you understand? It’s about the underdogs; it’s about the little people. That’s what the entire campaign for change was built around.

Are top-tier designers really that spoiled (a la Mr. Grouch)? Just because Cindy McCain dropped more money on that horrendous yellow De la Renta dress at the Republican National Convention than I will probably ever see in my lifetime (That’s probably an exaggeration, but I’m super peeved) doesn’t give merit reason to assume that every politician’s wife will.

And if Oscar the Grouch isn’t enough scrutiny for one trip overseas, someone actually had the audacity to knock Michelle for the fake eyelashes that they supposedly saw her wearing.

Why does that even matter? Why do you care? Why don’t you take away your creepy stalker lens and magnifying glass and maybe focus on something more important? (And no, I don’t mean the iPod the Obama’s gave to the queen or the set of DVDs that will never be watched by the prime minister.) She’s not slaughtering animals. She’s not treating herself to Botox every three weeks. She’s wearing fake eyelashes; they sell them in every drug store from sea to shining sea.

A writer for Times Online described false eyelashes as “unapologetically fake.” No, sorry, false eyelashes are not something I’d peg in that category. I’d reserve unapologetically fake for the likes of breast implants and lip injections.

The same writer further describes them as “all-out diva lashes, the kind you normally find on D-list celebrities or in drag-act dressing rooms.” Lady, have you ever even seen a red carpet preview? I guarantee that the majority of female celebs are wearing fake eyelashes. Moreover, has she ever been to a drag show? Talk about fake; those things – adorned with feathers, glitter and sequins (none of which were prevalent on Michelle’s eyelashes) – make Britney Spears’ boobs look real.

And I, for one, am stoked that Michelle isn’t wearing a wardrobe built around the strong and powerful red, white and blue. Why should she? It’s asinine. She’s allowed to hang more colors in her closet than those that apparently mean patriotism and pride in this great and egotistical nation.

If you want to continue to scrutinize Michelle’s wardrobe, you might consider that she hasn’t needed any help from the Democratic Party to foot the bill for her clothes (see: Sarah Palin and the Republican National Convention). She has managed to not spend millions of dollars and still look fabulous. Michelle Obama can wear fake eyelashes all she wants; she has the right to bare arms. To all the whining weasels, and in the words of my friend and TNR co-editor Kareem Elgazzar, “Bounce.”