Archaic rules slow fashion progress today

You know the tales, the urban legends. Like the lovers at make-out point, engaged in, you know, “relations,” when their face sucking is interrupted by an all-points bulletin on the radio:

“A serial killer has just escaped from a local asylum. He can be identified by a hook,” the disc jockey says.

They go back to swapping spit because, clearly, there’s nothing sexier than fear. Eventually, the girl begs the boy to take her home. He obliges.

He walks around the side of the car to open the door and BAM! There’s a bloody hook.
As ridiculous as those tales are, people insist upon believing in them. And they don’t just believe, they adamantly and feverishly believe.

There is nothing more frustrating because, obviously, the story’s so blatantly moronic.
Although it’s not as suspenseful as a bloody hook from a crazed lunatic, people hold on for dear life to some of the most asinine fashion philosophies just because it gives them something to believe in.

This way, if they know nothing else about fashion, they can pretend they know these “rules.”

Brace yourselves. Here are some of the most outrageously imbecilic rules of fashion to exist:

Don’t wear black with navy or brown.
Seriously, who came up with this? Black, brown and navy are three of my favorite colors separately, but, more importantly, they make up some of my favorite color combinations. There’s nothing quite as chic as an all black ensemble with brown boots. Here’s why it works: All three colors are neutrals. Makes sense, right?

After catching some flak for mixing black and brown in an outfit featured on my blog, I put together a point-by-point analysis on why the two are an excellent match.

Some wise women agreed that black and brown is the way to go.

“It’s true, I’ve never thought twice about mixing black and brown,” said Sally Jane of the Sally Jane Vintage blog. “I even mix black and navy. I love it!”
Some, who were naysayers to start, had seen the light.

“No, no, no, no! It hurts my eyes!” said another blogger. “OK, so I previously said I don’t like mixing black and brown; you’ve shown me I can do it and look good … So I won’t ever scold anybody for mixing those colors, but I won’t wear them together either.”

You cannot wear white after Labor Day.

False. False, false, false. This is probably one of the most outdated “rules”, but still one of the most widely accepted. In warmer months it’s easy to subscribe to wearing white because it’s cool, bright and fresh – all words that one might associate with spring and summer.

But when you’re stuck in a rut next winter - pulling only navy, gray and black from your closet - a burst of white could actually do some good.

It’s definitely mixing it up, which is positive itself, but the constant stream of dark colors can start to take a toll on a person’s mood.

It’s a correlation to seasonal depression, which affects most people one way or another. People need fresh, crisp and bright colors in the winter months more than ever to lift their spirits.

You should always match your shoes to your handbag.

Admittedly, this may be a fashion don’t that isn’t actually done, but regardless, it’s still something you might hear from mom or grandma if they don’t know any better.

This is kind of domestic 1950s housewife-esque. Sure, it could be a great excuse for buying new shoes and new bags every 30 seconds, but unless you’re Oprah, who has the money for that? Instead of matching bags and shoes, it would actually be better to pull out accent colors.

For example, if you’re wearing a blue floral shirt with small red dots at the center of each flower, play up the red. Wear red shoes, carry a red bag or find a belt to match.

Not only will it make the red pop, but the outfit will look more complete.

For a complete list of the most ridiculous and outdated fashion rules, visit thefashiondungjen.blogspot.com.

Have a faux pas you think should be added to the list? E-mail me at dungjet@email.uc.edu.