Faithful flock to Creation Museum, flop

Talk about new experiences. Saturday I did something I’ve spent the last five years avoiding. And to think, I have Sister Armstrong to thank.

You know Sister Armstrong; sure you do. She is a part of crazy Brother Micah’s posse.

She’s the one who stood on McMicken Commons on Friday and called one young homosexual student in the crowd a queer. She’s the one who last year said all the female students at the University of Cincinnati are whores who should not be seeking education, that it is counter to God’s plan for women.

She’s a real charmer, that one.

I ended up having a brief conversation with her (one of the more unpleasant conversations I’ve had lately, to be sure) during which she suggested I might see things differently than I do now, that maybe I’d have a life changing experience, that maybe I could be saved if only I … visited the Creation Museum.

While I’m not generally in the habit of following the suggestions of crazy people, I figured what the hell (you know, the place I will apparently be spending eternity).

“The state-of-the-art 70,000 square foot museum brings the pages of the Bible to life, casting its characters and animals in dynamic form and placing them in familiar settings. Adam and Eve live in the Garden of Eden. Children play and dinosaurs roam near Eden’s Rivers. The serpent coils cunningly in the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. Majestic murals, great masterpieces brimming with pulsating colors and details, provide a backdrop for many of the settings,” according to the Web site for the museum.

What may not be completely obvious from this passage is that museum founder and founder of the organization Answers in Genesis, Ken Ham, and his followers honestly and legitimately believe that man and dinosaurs co-existed. They believe that nothing, absolutely nothing, in existence has existed for more than 4,300 years.

Now some of you, as I do, might have a little bit of a problem with that. Regardless of what my religious beliefs are or are not, I am a firm believer in the credibility of generally and widely accepted science. Thus I believe that the earth and everything around it is way older than 4,300 years.

The mission of the museum, however, is to present alternative theories to explain several natural/scientific phenomena, like the variety among species and the creation of the Grand Canyon. God likes variety and individually created each and every creature, and one single catastrophic event created the Grand Canyon in less than four days (as supported by the geologic evidence 20 years after the volcanic eruption of Mount St. Helens).

In fact, Noah’s flood is what killed the dinosaurs (They didn’t make it to the ark on time, I guess.) and it’s also responsible for every fossil in the world and for natural wonders like canyons. This belief is critical to the theory of creationism. But it also completely ignores carbon dating. While creationists offer many explanations as to why carbon dating is bogus, one Web site in particular, www.actionbioscience.org, rejects the statements of religious fundamentalists with solid reasoning, science and logic.
                                       
Also critical is Adam’s sin. Before he ate from the apple, according to one extravagant display, there was no aging, no struggle for survival, no death, no disease, no conflict, no suffering, no burdensome work … The list is too long to repeat here. Pretty much then, his actions ruined it for us all.

One note about Adam and Eve as presented in the museum: These figures are not anatomically correct. I didn’t expect them to be, but Ken, let’s say he’s made not necessarily in the image of God so much as in the image of Ken. And Eve has long flowing brown hair that falls over where her breasts should be. I say should be because there is literally nothing there. Little touches like that further negate any pseudo-credibility the museum might otherwise attract.

And speaking of Eve, I think I know why Sister Armstrong was so hot to trot for me to visit the Creation Museum. I think she was the model for the Eve figure. Truly, the similarity is uncanny.

I could easily go on and on, sharing more about the lessons and environment of the museum, but the confines of this column dictate that I wrap it up soon. So I’ll just say that I left the museum feeling that Ken Ham is a man obsessed, completely obsessed with … dinosaurs. Either that or he’s a brilliant marketer, using a favorite of children everywhere to draw in families by the busload.

And while I’m disappointed I didn’t see that harnessed dinosaur plowing the fields I’d heard so much about, at least I got to see small children and dinosaurs frolicking together, in the shadow of Eden’s beauty.