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Old people watch the Super Bowl.

It’s an adage old and true — even last year’s Super Bowl viewer demographics prove the older viewers are, the more likely they are to watch the big game.

Perhaps this is why the halftime shows are so absolutely, dreadfully dull.

Or perhaps we’re still suffering the aftermath of the infamous 2004 halftime show that spawned a phrase still sniggered at eight years later: wardrobe malfunction.

Either way, the Super Bowl’s halftime shows need a spark of spunk, a youthful jolt to bring them into the 21st century along with the rest of the world.

This year’s headliner? Madonna. True, she’s better than suffering through last year’s Black Eyed Peas show and their sad excuse for music. Still, as an artist whose biggest years were before many of us were born, Madonna doesn’t exactly stir up excitement among us editors.

And it’s not like this is a recent dilemma. Look at the past decade of shows and decide how many you would actually, genuinely enjoy: The Who, Bruce Springsteen, Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, Prince, The Rolling Stones, Paul McCartney, Janet Jackson, Kid Rock, Shania Twain, Sting and U2.

Sounds like our parents’ cassette tape collections. Whatever those are.

I mean, The Who? Puns aside, their first farewell tour was 1982 — time to say farewell for real. The Rolling Stones, while always classic, released their two most recent studio albums seven and 14 years ago.

We understand that the Super Bowl is catering to a (much) older audience, and that’s OK. Still, can’t we find a way to compromise?
We’re not asking for Ke$ha or Lady Gaga (OK, yes we are — that would be awesome), but there has to be a happy medium. What about Adele? Eminem? Britney Spears? Someone that reaches multiple generations and doesn’t put us to sleep.

There’s another concert that comes to mind that also fails to satisfy its audience year after year: the Spring Concert at the University of Cincinnati, sponsored by the Programs and Activities Council.

That’s not PAC’s fault, entirely. They survey UC students to see what sort of music act to bring to campus, and they dedicate a large amount of time and energy in getting the best act possible.
For free concerts, they’re OK — just like the Super Bowl show.

It’s not something we’re crazy for, but since it’s around, we’ll suffer through it with the help of copious amounts of beer.

It’s just about the time for PAC to announce who will be headlining this year’s Spring Concert, and we have to admit: We’re kind of excited. We’re keeping our fingers crossed for a great band with local roots like The Black Keys — possibly with an opener like Margot & the Nuclear So and So’s. Something that gets us excited and pumped up for the spring — not someone that will put on a terrible show, disappoint everyone and turn the Spring Concert into borefest.

So here’s your challenge, PAC: Best the Super Bowl halftime show. We believe in you.