Excuse me, Miss, I think you may have forgotten your pants.
There is an epidemic sweeping the female student population at the University of Cincinnati. Symptoms include a lapse in memory and a breech in judgment.
I am at crossroads; do I call the doctor or the fashion police?
Legging virgins campus wide can consider themselves rule breakers by utilizing their leggings as a viable substitution to pants. Say it with me now: leggings are not pants, leggings are not pants, even with a body like Kate Moss, leggings are not pants.
You have seen the fashion assailants on your trek across campus, you probably even catch yourself taking a second look, rubbing your eyes and blinking a few times just to make sure you are actually seeing straight: a girl has neglected to put anything over the tights on the lower half of her body.
"In the 1980s with the craze for the Flash Dance look, leggings and long tunics became fashion staples," said Nancy Brinker, Assistant Director of the School of Design through the College of Design, Architect, Art and Planning.
Long tunics over leggings? Not a problem. T-shirts, sweaters and mini dresses that are likely to classify as illegal in the absence of tights? Problem.
T-shirts and sweaters that are an inch or two longer than average are not dresses and should not be worn as such. I subscribe to InStyle magazine and have yet to find this fashion faux pas spread across its glossy pages.
"As with all articles of clothing, some styles are more aesthetically pleasing and more flattering on certain body types and age groups," said Brinker. "Viva la difference, but wearer beware."
Can we please get an amen for Nancy Brinker?
More than I am concerned for the sake of my retinas, I worry about the uninformed fashion decisions.
The winter months are drawing near and temperatures are continuing to drop. I can see it now, these poor pantless girls, walking from class-to-class without any pants, shivering and knees buckling with every step they take.
Ladies, I am just looking out for your well-being. I am anti-hypothermia and frostbite.
Can leggings and tights be acceptable? Sure they can. Are you now asking yourself "how can I know if my leggings are okay to wear?" Do not worry. I have a solution: the no-leggings test.
This is a very intricate and complicated process, so pay attention and read closely. First, put on the awesome outfit, leggings included and stand in front of a full-length mirror. Take a mental note of how it looks.
Second, remove leggings from the outfit and return to the mirror. Has your outfit just offended you? Is this more full frontal than you would normally expose to tens of thousands of people?
If you answered no, then A) proceed with your outfit or B) we have bigger problems than I thought. If you answered yes, however, leave the leggings at home and replace them with a pair of dark-wash skinny jeans. These will provide a flattering alternative for all.
Let us save Cincinnati from the butt-cheek view of the girls who favor leggings as pants and promote the no-leggings test. With this simple at-home remedy, everybody wins.
Amen.
a-gay (at tumblr, of course)
who wants to see cameltoes and buttcheeks galore? i mean, come on everyone.
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