It seems that one large step toward becoming a successful adult is the humble and obligatory move-back-in-with-the-parents experience. I guess that means I am movin' on up, to a deluxe house in Hamiltucky. Indeed.
It has been a while since my parents and I have been able to chat about life's little minutia, so the first week has been quite a change of pace.
I came home from school to a warm welcome. My mom was in the kitchen with me looking at an L.L. Bean catalogue or something of that nature. My dad was watching the news in the back room. My parents have always been supportive of my work here at The News Record, but never really went so far as to give me an idea for this here column.
As my mother flipped through the glossy catalogue pages, her face lit up. "Oh, here they are!" She found some shoe attachments that could help her climb the humongous driveway when it starts to snow. "I don't wanna fall and break a hip or anything," she would say.
As soon as I could joke back, "You'll still fall on your ass," my dad hopped up from the backroom with urgent news.
"I just saw something on the news that you just have to cover in the newspaper," he said. "Britney parked in a handicap spot!"
After the initial awkward memory of when he confronted me about Google-searching "Britney Spears nude" when I was younger, it got me thinking. The entertainment industry must really be in a frantic search for newsworthy material. Frankly, I thought it was hilarious when she chopped her hair off and looked like a recycled G.I. Jane. And I watched. I thought it was sexy as hell when she sported the ever-so-phallic snake at the MTV Video Music Awards back in the day.
And I watched, repeatedly. I also loved the headlines that read "Boobs, I did it again" when she put the puppies on a platter during her pregnant public appearances. And I read… (and Googled).
But really, do I need to hear that she parked in a handicap space to go into a tanning salon? This celebrity news thing is really pushing it.
The crap we keep seeing on these celebrity news shows is so easy to get bored with because they rate the quality of a story by to whom something is happening rather than what is happening. Sure, these stories make me stop to see what Britney did this time, but when the story is about her eating a Caesar salad, I scoff and turn on The Soup so I can laugh along with host John McHale about how stupid these people are.
So, if you are tired of hearing these meaningless stories from people who are seriously adamant about the newsworthiness of them, I urge you to let out your displeasure by checking out The Soup every Friday night at 10 p.m. on E! Entertainment Television.
The show is a critical look at other celebrity news shows with the goal of laughter through mockery. It shows you the exact point I have here - most of the news these people come up with is not news at all, but the act of them reporting it as news, is news. It ever-so-often features a segment called "Oprah's Va-jay-jay" which I cannot in my right mind explain to you, but can only implore you to check it out.
If one of your guilty pleasures is reality TV, The Soup is also a good source for catching up on any great moments you may have missed throughout the week.
It's sooo meaty.
Wanna take some E! with Rasputin? E-mail him at toddrn@email.uc.edu.
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