It seems to me that the fellatio to cunnilingus ratio is terribly uneven. All the hype about oral sex usually falls into the girl-performing-for-a-guy category.
In mainly heterosexual relationships, I believe there are three reasons for the semi-unpopular sex act. I say heterosexuals simply because the body of the opposite sex can be a total mystery. If we don't have a penis or a clitoris, how do we automatically know how to stimulate it? It can be difficult if we don't know how it feels for the opposite sex.
This may be a helpful fact to remember, however: anatomically, the clitoris is analogous to a penis, but the clitoris actually has twice as many nerve endings as a penis. This can be something for both sexes to be able to relate to.
Reason No. 1: Many women are shy about their genitalia. Some have no issues with baring it all, but not every woman is comfortable with her body, especially the parts that are not shown in public. There can be a lot to worry about. There's the whole pubic hair factor. To shave or not to shave? Is her vagina ugly?
And perhaps the No. 1 self-conscious fear factor: the scent. Is it a total turn off? We need reassurance. You think guys are self-conscious about their penis size? Girls have anxiety issues too. We need to know that you like to touch and taste us. Otherwise, how will we be able to relax and enjoy the act of oral loving? Showing enthusiasm for the act is the best way to make us less self-conscious.
Reason No. 2 : Guys may be hesitant to perform because they lack confidence in their skills. Sometimes the body of the opposite sex is a mystery if we aren't well informed. The best way to be informed is to talk to your partner. Everyone has his or her own personal likes and dislikes. If it's too awkward to discuss, there are other ways to hint to your partner about what you like.
Body language can say it all. If you want more pressure, push your pelvis closer to his mouth. Want him to slow down or be gentler? Distance yourself from his mouth a bit. Is he missing the mark? If you want more attention to be given to your clitoris, pull the skin back from the clitoral hood to expose it better. Is your clitoris getting too sensitive? Just cover it with your finger and direct him elsewhere. Sounds are also a less than subtle way to clue him in when he's doing something you like.
Reason No. 3 : Girls can be less vocal about what they want in bed than guys. But think about it this way: It's no fun to guess what your partner wants. If we tell him what we want, a lot of anxiety about performance is lessened. Plus, asking for what you want can be a total turn on. It makes us feel pretty useful if we get the job done right. It would also be nice if we didn't have to ask.
It would be even nicer if it didn't come off as doing a chore or acting like you deserve a "Boyfriend of the Year" award for some unselfish oral pleasuring.
As always, remember safety. Oral sex is not a safe activity if there is any chance you have a sexually transmitted infection such as genital herpes, warts or a yeast infection. Many people don't realize that men can catch yeast infections. Also, there is currently some research showing that genital warts that can develop in the digestive track if transmitted orally.
Your best bet is to use a scary sounding (but truly simple) thing called a dental dam. It's basically a latex or polyurethane covering for the vulva. These can be purchased in most drug stores. Or make your own, as Dr. Sue Johanson from Talk Sex suggests, by cutting the sides of a latex condom open and spreading it out over the vulva. Talk about handy craftsmanship.
As always, e-mail any comments to baringitall4uc@hotmail.com. I love to hear from you.
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