Column: Sex in CINcity

I recently got a great question: How do you stay safe when having rough sex? There's one major difficulty in answering it: What is "rough sex?"

A few weeks ago I talked about the difficulty pinning down a definition for "hooking up." A standard meaning for "rough sex" seems even more elusive.

Dan Newman, 18-year expert in sexuality education and founder and presenter for the holistic health education service CEU Certification (CEU stands for "continuing education unit credits"), had the same difficulty with the question.

"The answer is based on the definition of 'rough sex' - many think of fantasy and role-playing," Newman said. "Really, any two nude bodies can have 'rough sex,' but some don't consider what they're doing 'rough' because they don't identify it with bondage."

Still in search of a definition, I did something I laugh at others who do it: I turned to Wikipedia.com (I've long thought it cliché to start a paper or speech with "according to Webster's dictionary…" or worse, the modern iteration "according to Wikipedia…")

As I expected, my initial search made me laugh but didn't really help.

On Wikipedia.com, "rough sex" may refer to human sexual behavior, often involving forceful, vigorous sex."

Really? You don't say.

Bill, who wanted to be known by only his first name, the chairman of the PEER Group (a local BDSM social and educational group) talked about several behaviors that may or may not involve bondage and the challenges of keeping things "safer" when doing them.

BDSM is an acronym for bondage, discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism.

Some activities that may or may not fall into the definition are "dry" sex, for example, intentionally not having much lubrication.

Examples include spanking, tying partners up or anything involving intentional power differentials between partners.

"It's challenging [to keep rough sex safer] simply because of the issue of stress on things," Bill said. "If you're using something like a dental dam and are engaged in vaginal fisting, you're obviously pushing the limits of the product beyond where it's supposed to go."

Another issue is many people may use alcohol or drugs in order to lower their inhibitions about engaging in rough sex. They may fear their desires to do the kinds of things found on the blog http://roughsexonline.com.

One of the many problems of mixing alcohol or drugs and sex is the really crappy decision-making we do when under the influence.

"When under the influence of alcohol or drugs, it's not going to be 'normal' sex, Newman said. "It's going to be more about the passion than [STI] prevention."

Bill said the greatest risks come from poor decision-making while caught up in the act.

"It's a question of what happens in the moment - 'oh my god I didn't get that done!' - and then having to backtrack to the point where you maybe went too far and exposed yourself too much," he said.

So keep it sober to keep your kinks safer.

Before getting into the kink, do your research and learn how to reduce risks while trying out "rough" stuff.

Goodvibes.com is a great place to find how-to guides. In your research, be sure to read up on safety precautions and the tools you'll need to do the deed - and do it safely!

Learn more about the PEER Group at www.bdsm-peergroup.com and CEU Certification holistic health education at http://www.ceucert.com.

Questions about staying safe while keeping it kinky?

E-mail Rebecca at lehmanrl@email.uc.edu.