Column: Sex in CINcity

I began researching rough sex a few weeks ago for this column. Along the way I've learned a lot. The more I've shared what I've learned, the more I've realized three things: 1) I still have a lot to learn; 2) there's a lot to learn about it; 3) there are a lot of people who want to learn more (and maybe give it a try).

Even if I dedicated every column to the topic until the end of the school year, I'd really only scratch the surface. I'm not concise enough to condense the hundreds of thousands of pages on the topic into a 700-word column. So, today I'll point you toward some great resources where you can learn more.

BDSM is a conglomerated acronym of several ideas: bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadomasochism. For many, these words bring in to mind the image described above. In reality, BDSM encompasses a wide variety of activities that involve playing with power differentials between partners. Activities involving BDSM may or may not include pain. They may or may not include toys. They may or may not include ropes, whips or outfits.

A comment on language: I've been using "rough sex" as a euphemism for what many would say is "BDSM." I didn't want to limit what people were thinking about when I talked about "rough sex" to people in corsets and leather with whips. So, I substituted "rough sex" instead.

You can engage in what many would consider BDSM without ever choosing to call it that yourself. For example, if you're OK with your partner pulling your hair, holding you down, commanding you to do things and/or smacking your ass while you're being intimate, you can define it as several things. You can call it "normal." You can call it "rough." You can call it "BDSM." As someone who values self-definition, I say that whatever you call it, you're right.

If interested in learning about the aspects of BDSM that involve these outside objects, it's wise to learn about them before bringing them into the bedroom (or office, dungeon or wherever you get it on).

Bill, the chairman of the local BDSM educational and social organization the PEER Group, recommended two texts as a primer for getting involved in BDSM: A Realistic Introduction by Jay Wiseman and Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism by Phillip Miller and Molly Devon.

If you're interested in learning more but don't have the cash for books, a health educator friend who asked to remain anonymous recommended the BDSM Backroom Web site, http://www.bcwsd.com/backroom/library.html. Their online library has detailed articles on BDSM and safety.

Also recommended is Safety First, http://towerofbabel.com/sections/erotica/submittedforyourapproval/safetyfirst, a collection of links to online BDSM resources.

A really great way to learn about BDSM is through interaction with people who have been in the lifestyle for a while. No, I don't mean answering an "I've been doing BDSM for years, come be my slave" ad on Craigslist. I mean attending meetings and workshops sponsored by BDSM organizations.

Nearly every city has a BDSM educational and/or social group. Often, there are even subgroups within the organizations for those interested in specific kinds of play. These groups sponsor meet-and-greets, educational workshops, skill-building workshops and safety services.

To learn more about Cincinnati's BDSM group, check out www.bdsm-peergroup.com.

A core tenant of BDSM is "safe, sane and consensual." This mantra should be repeated by all people sexually active on any level - whether involved in vanilla play or the hardcore SM scene. Safety should be paramount in every interaction. The activities engaged in should be sane and all parties need to consent to every act before it happens.

Questions or comments? Shoot Rebecca an e-mail at lehmanrl@ucmail.uc.edu.